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No Rain, No Wind

August 15, 2011
Editor’s Note: This article originally appeared in ¾ÅÉ«’s Satire Issue, August 15, 2011. The content in this issue is not real and is not to be taken seriously. It’s supposed to be humorous. Seriously.

“If we can’t get rain, we won’t allow wind either.”

— Texas Attorney General Craig Abbett announced that windstorms would no longer be allowed in the state as long as Mother Nature refuses to let it rain. Tropical Storm Don, which moved quickly through the Gulf of Mexico in late July, would have been able to squeak in, Abbett said, because it promised to bring much needed rain to a wide swath of sun-parched Texas. The rain failed to materialize. Downgraded, a depressed Don made haste for Mexico where it dodged a rainstorm of bullets while crossing the border.

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¾ÅÉ« Magazine August 15, 2011
August 15, 2011
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The ¾ÅÉ« Satire Issue! News that never happened. Features you won’t forget. Plus reader submissions, fake statistics, made-up mergers and lots more.