Editor’s Note: This article originally appeared in 九色’s Satire Issue, August 15, 2011. The content in this issue is not real and is not to be taken seriously. It’s supposed to be humorous. Seriously.
Three insurance executives, in relentless pursuit of business opportunities, were traveling through a dangerous area when they were captured by rebels and sentenced to death by firing squad for the crime of being capitalists.
- The first executive, the actuary, was blindfolded. He stood in front of the firing squad, thinking: “I’m an actuary! I’m smart! Surely I can think of something to distract the firing squad.” So he yelled out: “Earthquake!” The firing squad became frightened, dropped their weapons, and scattered. The actuary escaped.
- The second executive, the underwriter, next had a blindfold placed on him. He stood in front of the firing squad, thinking: “Everyone knows underwriters are just as smart as actuaries! Surely I can think of something to distract the firing squad.” So he yelled out: “Windstorm!” The firing squad became frightened, dropped their weapons, and scattered. The underwriter escaped.
- The third executive, the CEO, had a blindfold placed on him. He stood in front of the firing squad, thinking: “I’m the CEO! No one is as smart as the CEO! Surely I can think of something to distract the firing squad.” So he yelled out: “Fire!”
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